I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
