The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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