what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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