i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
