Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
