I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
