did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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