Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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