Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
