I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
