"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dear god my vagina.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize