Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
