i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize