I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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