im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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