I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
