I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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