he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
