NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
