Your mouth is God's brothel.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
