Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he was CRYING into my vagina
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
