before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
