I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
