After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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