Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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