I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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