i need an iv and a liver transplant
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
