Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
not ubering you a puppy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
