i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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