; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
