Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
someone owes me an orgasm
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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