Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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