Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i believe in u and ur pee
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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