Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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