from now on my penis is your penis
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
