Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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