The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
