Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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