Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Vodka?
Forever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
