Do you still have your period?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
