grandma shit on top of the toilet
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
