I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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