btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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