You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
