Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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