thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
