so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
