Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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