Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
