I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
