the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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