Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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