Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We got so high we made milksteak
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
