mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
