My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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