Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize