we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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