Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
