Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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