Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
