If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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