shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
