woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
