Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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